1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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