I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
