I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
