he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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