I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
