turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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