things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
