I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
