Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
