Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
