FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
