You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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