Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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