I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
