her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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