when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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