loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
