So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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