I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
