I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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