Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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