What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
