I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
