In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize