i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
