Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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