I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
