There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
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I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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