i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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