That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
