I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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