If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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