Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one might say we're banned from that church
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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