i don't like sucking hair
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
