her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
