Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
