Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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