I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
