It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
