Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
