ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
