what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
