pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she smelled like a LAN party
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
