I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
