i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
