roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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