The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
