There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
