I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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