I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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