i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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