I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
