We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we're so committed to being not committed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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