as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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