So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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