They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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