Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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