I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
