Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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