New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
