Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
