Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
