My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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