My nipple is on Facebook.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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