All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
