Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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