sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
