i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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