I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
