i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
