I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
