help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
