Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
