i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
