She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
