I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
