the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
