Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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