Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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