my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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