So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
