The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
