I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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