Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
