Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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