she woke up with a sticky ear
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
