White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
