i jhust puked up my retainher.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
