just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
