you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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