i permit you to call me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
