So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it glows. i had to have it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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