I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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