just come out here and I will go home with you...
you traded sex for a burrito?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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