11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dicks are not precious.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
